Stupid Effing Neighbors

They’re everywhere!

Isn’t it disgusting how many folks whine about wanting a good lawn, yet they go out and scalp it week after week after week? EVERYBODY says mow high–EVERYBODY! Local newspapers, suburban mailings, all the idiots on the airwaves, and yes, even national magazines!

I think a lot of folks don’t realize that their lawn mowers actually have adjustable wheels! I’m serious. I know these folks want a good lawn–they apply fertilizers a few times a year. They clean the leaves up in the fall. They water in droughts. In addition to scalping their lawn the other huge mistake they make is using a very popular, heavily advertised, nationally well known retail product–that contains the weakest of all crabgrass herbicides–pendimethalin. I saw the bag sitting on the driveway this past spring when this guy was applying it. “Pendy,” as it’s affectionately known in the industry, must be used twice in the spring to get a half-way decent level of crabgrass control. For more information on crabgrass herbicides, go read my older blog You Shouldn’t Have Crabgrass!

It was a WET and WARM spring and summer, which put extra pressure on the crappy herbicides. Scalping the lawn exacerbates the problem, because is supports constant weed germination. There’s a HUGE difference in shade between even a 2 inch mowing height and a 3 inch mowing height. Shaded soil will suppress weed growth much better than sunny soil. Cooler soils (high mowing) will suppress weed seed germination much better than hot soils (scalped lawns).

Here’s another nit-wit. It’s hilarious that these folks are actually WATERING THEIR WEEDS! I’ve labeled the crabgrass seed heads and yellow nutsedge seed heads as a teaching tool.

Scalped lawn weeds.jpg

And finally, I can’t resist taking another swipe at a crappy lawn care company. This lawn has a south facing blend of cool season grass–mostly bluegrass with some turf-type fescue. It’s not mowed as low as the first dolt, but this guy hires a guy with a professional walk behind mower. Because it’s a south facing slope this lawn should be mowed at 4 inches, not the 2.5 inches. This poor guy has a crappy lawncare company and a moron for a mower.


It’s not hard to have a great lawn, folks! Hire a local chain, not the big national ones. Better yet, just do it yourself! Sure, hire someone to mow your lawn it but make sure you read my blog, so that they mow right and edge right!


2 thoughts on “Stupid Effing Neighbors

  1. I have recently received several complements from my neighbors on my lawn. I tell them it’s not my doing, it’s THE Turf Plan!! It’s just like following a recipe. Raise the mower deck, sharpen the blade, water 1″ per week and follow the steps on THE Turf Plan. It’s that easy, just follow the recipe.

    I’ve had some homemade rice crispy treats before that were oily and would fall apart while you ate them. You wonder, how can you screw up a rice crispy treat?! Come to find out, they used margarine and not butter so they were just an oily mess and wouldn’t hold together. They didn’t follow the recipe! I’ve noticed the same thing with my lawn, just follow THE Turf Plan ‘recipe’ and it takes care of itself.

    Thanks Jeff for making it easy for the average joe to look like an agronomic wizard! 🙂

    ps. I’ve got some pictures that show just how stark the contrast is


    • Hey Beaz!
      Thanks for the great note! That’s a helluva difference between your sward and your neighbor’s goat pasture!

      And for the other folks, I started THE Turf Plan with my good buddy, Bill DiMercurio, but I’m retired now. Check him out at!

      Keep up that great work, Beaz!



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